[RANT] Cheap-ass laptop keyboards suck harder every year. Why bother?
Posted: 03 Oct 2018, 04:56
My work-issued computer is an old Dell Inspiron laptop. It has served me dutifully in spite of everything, but recently it showed the first signs of imminent death. I backed up everything, started working in what I call "volatile mode" and told my boss about this. Today, I was issued a new laptop — an HP Pavilion 14 kb002-la... seems to be a good enough unit that should be a decent fit for the stuff I do, but its keyboard... GFL.
The Dell Inspiron had the typical (for its time) cheap-ass keyboard: short-travel shirt switches, pad printed lettering over flat low-profile caps, and a 75% layout that is actually good, in spite of a couple quirkinesses to it. Behold:
The F row has half-height keys... which aren't that bad on the top row. Note there's 17 of them, not 16. They're still 1U wide, so they're slightly closer together and the keyboard is 16.25U wide instead of 16U to accomodate them (look at the Backspace and Enter keys). I would have shortened the space bar by 0.5U on the right to get a better AltGr key, but whatever. My only real complaint, layout-wise, is the lack of the Scroll Lock key.
A poor keyboard, all in all, but bearable on those occasions where I didn't have the silenced WASD keyboard that I got for office usage (and for which I thank Mike every day).
I knew the HP keyboard would be worse, but I didn't expect this level of suckiness. Short-travel shirt-ier switches? No surprise. Worthless lettering? Par for the course. Flat low-profile caps? Show me something that I won't expect. Well... I didn't expect this piece of buffoonery!
It's a 75% layout. An ANSI 75% layout. With the ISO-based Spanish (Latin America) layout forced onto it. Really, HP? REALLY?!
Actually, call it a 74% layout: for no good reason, the keyboard has been shortened 0.25U on either side, making it 15.5U wide. On the right side it's not that bad to have shaved 0.25U on the second column from the right (backspace, } (\|), ANSI Enter and RShift keys), but on the left side, the | key (`~ for US ANSI keyboards) is 0.75U wide!!! Look at the LCtrl key! And the Left Shift is 2U wide! But wait... where's the "ISO \" key, that has the < and > symbols?
Oh, it's been moved all the way to the right. Where RCtrl should be. This layout has ONE Ctrl key, not two, and it's 1U. Really, HP? REALLY?!
Now... even though it's already 0.25U narrower, the RShift key could still be shortened by 1U, to have a proper inverted T arrow key set — instead, they went with the "half-arrow" keys that is the bane of unacceptably bad eight-bucks-a-piece keyboards. Go look the Dell Inspiron's picture again and see if you can infer something about my normal usage of the arrow keys.
The F row is where it gets really horrendous: there's still 16 keys, and they're not arranged closer together, so these things are not 1U wide, but a bit less, and they're not even 0.5U tall, either. F6 has a little led light... to indicate if the computer's volume has been muted. Whut?
What a scorn of a keyboard. Now... from the very moment I opened the laptop, I made an effort to overlook the printed legends. I kept turning a blind eye to it... never mind the lower case legends... never mind the absurdly tiny f1...f12 legends... never mind they're actually f₁.. f₁₂... never mind the misaligned _ legend, which makes it look like a -... until I could no more. Both my OCD and my chauvinism were triggered by the Ñ legend, which is smaller than the rest of the letters for no reason (even taking its tilde into account, its total height is lower than the other letters):
And then I saw what could not be unseen, either. That apostrophe. And those quotes. They're supposed to be directionless (U+0027 and U+0022), but instead those are CLEARLY U+2018 and U+201C (and that can't be blamed on the font, either). Really, HP? REALLY?!
Coming back to that width... WHY was 0.5U shaved off? There's no reason for it! It's not like the screen's width presented such a restriction!
To add insult to injury... that upside down B on the B&O logo on the top right. Seems to have been made with the intention of triggering.
In the end, this keyboard is utter garbage. And the sticker that says this laptop has been "specially designed for me" feels like an insult (marketing-wise, it's not even a properly constructed slogan). There was only one thing left to do: get that antistatic protective sheet the laptop came with and a couple tiny pieces of scotch tape.
Much better. Still not perfect, though. That sheet isn't thick enough, and the recycling symbol cut-outs are distracting. I'm gonna get a thicker sheet and use that. And if anyone asks, it's "for the laptop's protection" (which, in a way, it is).
And I'll keep using Mike's silenced WASD (and an actually usable mouse instead of that... thing... which actually handles worse than the one on the old Dell).
A few years ago, right after the monitor crisis was overcome, I posited that perhaps we didn't really need laptops with integrated monitors, keyboards and mice/trackpads — independent units were always better, so perhaps it would be more practical to have small, portable computers without any of those parts and just plug them on modern versions of the old terminals (a screen and a keyboard). Somewhat like one of those "NUC" PCs, but made for carrying it around instead of just putting it somewhere and leaving it there.
An otherwise decent laptop with such an unworthy keyboard makes me think of that idea again.
The Dell Inspiron had the typical (for its time) cheap-ass keyboard: short-travel shirt switches, pad printed lettering over flat low-profile caps, and a 75% layout that is actually good, in spite of a couple quirkinesses to it. Behold:
The F row has half-height keys... which aren't that bad on the top row. Note there's 17 of them, not 16. They're still 1U wide, so they're slightly closer together and the keyboard is 16.25U wide instead of 16U to accomodate them (look at the Backspace and Enter keys). I would have shortened the space bar by 0.5U on the right to get a better AltGr key, but whatever. My only real complaint, layout-wise, is the lack of the Scroll Lock key.
A poor keyboard, all in all, but bearable on those occasions where I didn't have the silenced WASD keyboard that I got for office usage (and for which I thank Mike every day).
I knew the HP keyboard would be worse, but I didn't expect this level of suckiness. Short-travel shirt-ier switches? No surprise. Worthless lettering? Par for the course. Flat low-profile caps? Show me something that I won't expect. Well... I didn't expect this piece of buffoonery!
It's a 75% layout. An ANSI 75% layout. With the ISO-based Spanish (Latin America) layout forced onto it. Really, HP? REALLY?!
Actually, call it a 74% layout: for no good reason, the keyboard has been shortened 0.25U on either side, making it 15.5U wide. On the right side it's not that bad to have shaved 0.25U on the second column from the right (backspace, } (\|), ANSI Enter and RShift keys), but on the left side, the | key (`~ for US ANSI keyboards) is 0.75U wide!!! Look at the LCtrl key! And the Left Shift is 2U wide! But wait... where's the "ISO \" key, that has the < and > symbols?
Oh, it's been moved all the way to the right. Where RCtrl should be. This layout has ONE Ctrl key, not two, and it's 1U. Really, HP? REALLY?!
Now... even though it's already 0.25U narrower, the RShift key could still be shortened by 1U, to have a proper inverted T arrow key set — instead, they went with the "half-arrow" keys that is the bane of unacceptably bad eight-bucks-a-piece keyboards. Go look the Dell Inspiron's picture again and see if you can infer something about my normal usage of the arrow keys.
The F row is where it gets really horrendous: there's still 16 keys, and they're not arranged closer together, so these things are not 1U wide, but a bit less, and they're not even 0.5U tall, either. F6 has a little led light... to indicate if the computer's volume has been muted. Whut?
What a scorn of a keyboard. Now... from the very moment I opened the laptop, I made an effort to overlook the printed legends. I kept turning a blind eye to it... never mind the lower case legends... never mind the absurdly tiny f1...f12 legends... never mind they're actually f₁.. f₁₂... never mind the misaligned _ legend, which makes it look like a -... until I could no more. Both my OCD and my chauvinism were triggered by the Ñ legend, which is smaller than the rest of the letters for no reason (even taking its tilde into account, its total height is lower than the other letters):
And then I saw what could not be unseen, either. That apostrophe. And those quotes. They're supposed to be directionless (U+0027 and U+0022), but instead those are CLEARLY U+2018 and U+201C (and that can't be blamed on the font, either). Really, HP? REALLY?!
Coming back to that width... WHY was 0.5U shaved off? There's no reason for it! It's not like the screen's width presented such a restriction!
To add insult to injury... that upside down B on the B&O logo on the top right. Seems to have been made with the intention of triggering.
In the end, this keyboard is utter garbage. And the sticker that says this laptop has been "specially designed for me" feels like an insult (marketing-wise, it's not even a properly constructed slogan). There was only one thing left to do: get that antistatic protective sheet the laptop came with and a couple tiny pieces of scotch tape.
Much better. Still not perfect, though. That sheet isn't thick enough, and the recycling symbol cut-outs are distracting. I'm gonna get a thicker sheet and use that. And if anyone asks, it's "for the laptop's protection" (which, in a way, it is).
And I'll keep using Mike's silenced WASD (and an actually usable mouse instead of that... thing... which actually handles worse than the one on the old Dell).
A few years ago, right after the monitor crisis was overcome, I posited that perhaps we didn't really need laptops with integrated monitors, keyboards and mice/trackpads — independent units were always better, so perhaps it would be more practical to have small, portable computers without any of those parts and just plug them on modern versions of the old terminals (a screen and a keyboard). Somewhat like one of those "NUC" PCs, but made for carrying it around instead of just putting it somewhere and leaving it there.
An otherwise decent laptop with such an unworthy keyboard makes me think of that idea again.