[Help needed] I just got in love with my teacher from the last year

[Muirium]

Hey, um, welcome to our keyboard forum I guess?

Just in case you really are legit and happen to be after advice for the situation you describe, I'll see what I can muster.

Here's the thing about relationships: they involve *two* people and operate *both* directions. What you've got going on above is a different beast we call infatuation. She's caught your eye. And that's all *she's* done. The rest is all you.

I recognise it because that's much like how I was when a teenager, too. Always wowed by honest to goodness full grown adult women instead of my own aged girls. Always looking, and imagining, beyond my reach. Back in my day, there wasn't social media for getting good and creepy. Single photos took a couple of minutes to download through a modem! I'll never know just how much my own behaviour might have been different with the extra possibilities available today. I could well have gotten voyeuristic and weird.

Your feelings are real. That's the maddening matter with a crush. Part of it is so, so real. But it's still just all in your head, until you tell her.

Coming clean is the hard part. I've well and truly fucked it up, myself! But this is just you, alone, until you choose to either move on or muster the courage to tell her you really like her.

If, if!, you do go for the daring route, the real skill is in not creeping her out. I wouldn't ever mention the surveillance activities you've been up to in the dark! No. It sounds impossible, I know, but just be honest. No life story, no extended account, just a quick clear mention that you're embarrassed because you think she's pretty and you really like her. Try not to gaze at your shoes in that moment, because everything from there is *her* choice. She could be just as bashful, and thankful for the compliment. Or you could get a stern talking to about her professionalism as a teacher! She's the one who gets to choose. Just keep her eyes in sight, to reckon how she feels.

In all likelihood, she'd never date a pupil, and you may well not be the first who's come to her to share a crush. But believe it or not, she's teaching you a lesson in any case. The feelings she's stirred in you are *your* feelings and they are all real. It's what you do with them that counts. And, as with all skills in life, you get better with practice.

[fohat]

In all likelihood, she'd never date a pupil

No matter what, do not even suggest anything that is not indisputably legal.
In the US, that means both parties over 18, at the minimum.

[snacksthecat]

You need to accept that it will never happen and start moving on. I'm not trying to be harsh, it's just the reality of the situation and what would be best for all parties. Sending her a gift might seem like a nice gesture but it's wildly inappropriate and you would be putting her in a very difficult situation. I'm sure it's difficult to hear but out of respect for her please shift your focus to healthy relationships within your own age range that do not cross these types of barriers. You will be much happier in the long run. I would suggest getting a therapist and talking to them. They can help you with obsessive thoughts and behaviors much more than strangers online.

[okrutnik]

Read this book if you can get it. May also help you get some healthy distance to your situation.

If I were (reluctantly *cough*) advising someone being 17 and in your situation, I would suggest 1) deleting/destroying all your stalking materials now and not talking about it again 2) not ever making too big of a deal of it. It's rather normal to have crushes on teachers and to go overboard with falling in love when you're very young. It's just that these things are most often inconsequential. Can only make for some interesting memories.

But after reading the US posters I'm starting to suspect that your environment (including your teacher) might be more puritanical and hostile to your feelings that I would think, so take it with a grain of salt. What they're saying may be more relevant -- ie. you may provoke a shitstorm instead of a laugh and a no. Don't do anything illegal. Also if you're still in highschool or other closed institution, be aware that gossip will hurt you very much.

[chuckdee]

In the US, not here. Here is completely normal and accepted (dating young people, not that student-teacher relationships). Anyway my No. 18 birthday is coming. Should I wait some time?

This is the most serious advice. Don't act. Wait. Though hard it may be, if you really do care about her and not just your feelings, wait, don't do anything stupid, destroy your stalking materials, and wait. It might seem that it will never pass, that you need to act right now. But the best advice is to wait, concentrate on other things, and see if it passes. Look for someone near your own age that catches your eye. Get over your cynicism about girls your own age, actually talk to others your own age, and enjoy being a teenager. There are many that are different- it's just about trying to find others who are different in the same way. Don't concentrate on finding romance- concentrate on finding friends, and being friendly. There's nothing to lose, and everything to gain by taking that approach.

[okrutnik]

I would tell only one more thing, and it maybe leans towards what snackthecat said (which is wise!): you should first and foremost take care of yourself (in every way), be able to think clear etc. and it's way more important than any romantic interests. [I fully endorse what chuckledee just wrote about waiting!] You seem to be in bad relations with people around you, and probably you would feel better if you tried to improve it somewhat, even if it meant compromises. That's really all I have to say.

About my environment,

I was just trying to make my opinion more culturally relative, it all depends heavily on where you live.

[samuelcable]

God, with her 30 years she looks so full of life, much more than I could be at my plenary 17's right now.

slow down romeo

[okrutnik]

Take your time and see how your mood changes day to day, as it does for everyone. The rest of forum's wise advice I won't repeat, since it's kinda already there.

[Wodan]

Could you, by any chance, find out what her favourite switche is?

When I met my gf I gave her a bunch of keyboards to try and asked her to pick a favourite. Thank god it was a board with some nice ergo clears. There were two clicky boards in the bunch and I had some hydrogen peroxide and a tarp ready just in case. There‘s some sick people out there!

[kbdfr]

And I thought not having a Facebook oder Twitter (or whatever now exists) account would protect from that kind of stuff,
like, say, not having a car and just sitting at home would protect against being involved in a car crash.

I was apparently wrong.

[Blaise170]

All you need is an IBM Model M, one touch and she will instantly be head over heels.

[Wodan]

All you need is an IBM Model M, one touch and she will instantly be head over heels.

I prefer condoms as a contraceptive but I guess Model Ms are awesome too

[kbdfr]

This is my favourite:

My two therapists started to cry when hearing about my problems.

[Wodan]

This is my favourite:

My two therapists started to cry when hearing about my problems.

They were probably both haunted by the memories of the OPs previous crush on them ...

[kbdfr]

Another good one:

[…] The best thing that came to my mind was send an anonymous present, a letter, a book or something and maybe a cake (people usually tell me about how good is my food) […]

You obviously expect her to prove so abysmally stupid as to eat an anonymously received cake.
Now that’s a good start

[kbdfr]

[…] You can't expect help from someone who has even less capacity than you to deal with your problems. […]

Yes, you are right, of course.
It’s much better to ask for help in a random Internet keyboard forum

I just wonder how you came to hit DT rather than, for example this forum or that one.

Spoiler:

I would suggest you hire a third therapist. You seem to need them.

[Menuhin]

I love this atypical mechanical keyboard forum post - I love DT!

This reminds me of the feelings towards my junior high school crush, and it ended up she has defined an archetype of a series of my crushes since that time.

Student-teacher relationship is inappropriate, it will get the teacher into troubled water. Otherwise, in some countries, like Germany, teenagers enjoy lots of freedom - they are allowed to date and from 15-years they are allowed to try out sex, and many families allow their children to stay elsewhere other than home, e.g. every weekend, of course for all sorts of reasons. Teen pregnancy is low because down to the truth sex education was since kindergarten - even before they learn the alphabets and simple arithmetics.

[kbdfr]

[…] but if you don't like off-topic posts, don't even click them. […]

I don’t know how you come to think I don’tl ike off-topic posts.
I love them, and yours is no exception

[chuckdee]

[…] You can't expect help from someone who has even less capacity than you to deal with your problems. […]

Yes, you are right, of course.
It’s much better to ask for help in a random Internet keyboard forum

I just wonder how you came to hit DT rather than, for example this forum or that one.

Spoiler:

I would suggest you hire a third therapist. You seem to need them.

Man, what is your problem? You complain about Mr. Nobody but you came here only to troll and act like an asshole. As I said this isn't related with what I have spoken with my therapist, this isn't even a problem. You sure heard this a lot of times, but if you don't like off-topic posts, don't even click them. Come on dude, there is no reason to be such a jerk.

Hmmm... you just joined yesterday. Were you reading a lot before you decided to join and post this? Now I'm more curious than before...

[Blaise170]

It's no accident that he found a niche website about mechanical versions of ubiquitous PC peripherals, he's either been reading for quite some time or he created a second account whose purpose is either to troll or mask their identity.

[scottc]

So we have an underage user, likely from the US (speaks English, learning Spanish), uses a Model F XT, favourite switch is capacitive BS.

Can't be hard to track down.

[samuelcable]

So we have an underage user, likely from the US (speaks English, learning Spanish), uses a Model F XT, favourite switch is capacitive BS.

Can't be hard to track down.

OH my God green squid is too embarrassed to tell us about his crush on his teacher

[scottc]

If it was Green Squid there'd probably be 18 times the number of posts and many many more exclamation marks.

[Laser]

He's also defending Mr. Nobody, no less! ...

[Muirium]

Yeah, that did catch my eye. Mr. Emptyhead trolling us again perhaps? He does have a weird thing about extramarital affairs, as I recall. So this topic doesn’t seem entirely unlike him.

I certainly don’t see why someone young, perturbed and new to the forum would go mention him unprompted.

[//gainsborough]

I must say, the identity of this mystery poster is certainly curious...

To give OP the benefit of the doubt insofar as being genuine, I'll say this much: having a crush on your young (relatively speaking) teacher is very normal behavior. You just have to realize nothing can be done about it. If you must do something just tell her how you feel, get shot down, and move on. It is actually illegal to be in a relationship with her in the first place (at least in the US, I dunno about other countries). So, if something DID develop between you two it would absolutely ruin her entire career forever if it was found out.

[Wodan]

They see me trollllin‘
They hatin‘

[chuckdee]

I'm just another member, but the situation is too embarrassing and bizarre to use my normal identity. I speak spanish, learning english still. Soy Cacho de Buenos Aires y tengo un sueño escondido, cantar igual que Gardel.

In the future, it might be good to lead with that rather than have people question it, and then you come out with it. Makes it seem too sock-puppety when found out...

[kbdfr]

Somehow it was fun to troll the troll,
but now that the troll has untrolled himself,
I'll leave this thread to allow for serious answers

[green-squid]

If it was Green Squid there'd probably be 18 times the number of posts and many many more exclamation marks.

ha.ha.ha